i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Congratulations! We have a period
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
