No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
