Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How's work?
Spinning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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