2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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