Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
