Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
