She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
