I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
