i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
