Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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