i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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