Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
