do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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