"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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