Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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