"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
