got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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