I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
