So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
