I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
