think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
