She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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