currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize