i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
