This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
