You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
