You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
