TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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