I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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