I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
