I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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