I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
