Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
