dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
