it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
