Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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