i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
