Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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