Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All the doctor said was why
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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