and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
