a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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