called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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