i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
