I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
