I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
