Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
