I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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