Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize