I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
