Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
