So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
