what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
