DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
