he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
