So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
