I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize