Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
