make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
