Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
