i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
