Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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