it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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