It's like God shit irony all over that family
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
