And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
