And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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