I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
