god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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