Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
