I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
