I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
