My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
