Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
