just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
