so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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