I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
