im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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